Why do they call Seattle the Emeral City? I should have asked this guy.
Anyways I went down to Seattle to watch the Mariners lose to A-Rod, Pettite, and my BFF Jeter…The Mariners didn’t disappoint.
Nizzle grab, Madonna gave him crabs.
Bring back steroids!
Time to go home, it’s a clock. Awesome!
Ok we’re leaving, they don’t waste time turning on the sprinklers.
Here is another grand entrance to the main event from Phil Hellmuth.
I used to really like this guy, now I can’t even stomach him at all. I also don’t understand why he has shirtless guys as part of his entourage.
Why people do this is beyond me, the last thing I want to do while I’m peeing is to talk to some noob about something they know nothing about. Since pretty much the only places I use urinals are bars and casinos it’s only dumbass noobs. This happened again at the bar on the night of the Brock Lesnar/Shane Carwin fight. So the Leben/Sexyama fight just ended and I haven’t pee’d yet, so I run to do that before the main event gets started.
This particular bar doesn’t have individual urinals, they have what resembles a trough that a horse would eat out of…lovely. But it seems I’m running good because I’m the only guy in the bathroom which was shocking since it was a bar on a Saturday night. Unfortunately on my way to the can I get noticed. By the time I unzip some 45 year old dude parks himself a foot away from me and says “hey.” Not wanting to get shanked in a bathroom I say “heeeyy” then he says “hey…you that Rufus from AssRaped.com right?” Fuuuuuck. I ignore the mix up with the site name and say yeah I am, he responds with slurred “fucking man…huh huh that picture you took with that chick with the tits fucking awesome I jerked off to that shit.” I of course respond with “…..” because I have no idea wtf he’s talking about, but I’m extremely glad he shared. He then goes on to ask who’s going to win tonight, I say Brock and by this time another guy stands on the other side of me, and now he’s including himself in this convo. Normally I wouldn’t mind but they’re looking at each other, both are breaking the rules of the urinal and I’m in between them. Please look straight forward and read those gambling and alcohol help posters, that’s why they’re there. Finally I’m done with my one minute half marathon pee, and the original guy says to the other “hey that’s Rufus he plays poker, good shit.” I quickly wash my hands and run for the door, I’m sure I was a 20 minute urinal conversation between the two.
This has happened one time before at the casino. I go to the far urinal on one side of the bathroom even though nobody else is there until some old Asian guy walks up to the one right beside me. He says “congratulations” I pause, but ultimately say “thanks.” He then says “I forgot to say that at the table” oooooooohhhh he’s from my table. I just won a big pot off of him, then he walked into the can behind me. Not creepy at all. That was about as far as that convo went, I’m glad he wasn’t talking about my Canadian anaconda, but things were still weird back at the table, he kept looking at me…even when I wasn’t in the hand…I think I made a friend.
The moral of the story is to use the stall, it solves a lot of problems.
They go crazy and completely misuse them. The PokerStars Big Game is a newish show out now and they’re starting to interject stats previously only used by online players. This is good, but as expected when you have guys like Joe Stapleton and Chris Rose (lol) calling the action these stats are useless. Here is a great example:
So on the first level we have some stats for the first 15 hands she’s been dealt. Her VPIP is 6.7%, which means she’s voluntarily put money in the pot once in the first 15 hands.
Second row is hands 16-25. So she’s voluntarily put money in the pot twice in ten hands.
Somebody really needs to explain sample size to these clowns.
“An interesting trend has developed on Nadya”
“She started off feeling nervous but she’s settling in nicely”
“You can understand that, this is a person who has looked up to the players at the table over the years” - HAHA great commentary. Which players is Chris Rose talking about? Bonomo, Cada, Mercier, are all pretty new to the world of televised poker. Alaei made an appearance on HSP years ago, I haven’t seen him since. So I guess that means Barry, and I highly doubt Nadya looks up to Barry.
But anyways, 10 hands and they’re going into deep thought about what those useless stats mean, awesome. Makes Gabe Kaplan look like a genius.
Perv alert….the 41 year old mother is hoooot. Cold Russian winters preserve looks LDO.
I really don’t want to talk about this past Saturday, so here are two pictures from the event…
He’s so cute isn’t he? That chick ref would be all over his junk if she even knew who he was. LOL @ women referees.
Now onto the guy who could be the prettiest in MMA, Nick Thompson. But uh oh, what’s that? I see some blatant holding of the glove there seconds before his opponent taps. With Big John as the referee it has me doubting myself…is holding your own glove even illegal? I’m extremely surprised Gus Johnson didn’t chime in on that topic…ok I’m not. He’s still trying to understand the concept of an armbar.
Who is trying harder to get out of the shadow cast by their hotter/more succesful friend or sibling?
Kelly Rowland
Poor Kelly, Beyonce got all the attention back in the days of Destiny’s Child. Now as an attempt to get a succesful solo career rolling you do what every girl has to do to get noticed…yes I’m a pig.
6/10
Venus Williams
Rufus are you saying Serena is actually hot? Yes, yes I am. I love Serena. Now Venus is trying, and doesn’t have the benefit of makeup and multiple photos to get the best picture. But she’s putting in the effort and potentially causing an uproar from the very vanilla tennis audience.
4/10
In an effort to save this post…
10/10
Nothing makes me happier and more tilted at the same time as when someone such as an actor, athlete, or Vanessa Rousso does an interview about poker. Now I’m adding Jerry Buss, I really hope I run into him at a casino in a couple years…that should be enough time for my bankroll to support $50/$100….ok maybe not. His appearance on HSP a few seasons ago was very donktastic, the part where he asked Doyle for 50k made me laugh, TJ Cloutier wishes he could ask people for money like that, $300 takes a long time to add up. Anyways….
So I see this online interview by ESPN and I found it moderately entertaining and of course fully incorrect. I’ll highlight the more interesting and poker related Q’s.
“Q: Why the fascination with poker?
A: The competition. I can’t think of too many things I can do as easily as that and be competitive at my age.”
If losing millions is competitive then good for you. I’m assuming he’s a smart guy, I mean he is rich so he must have done some things in life correct and have some business sense. So why can’t he see that him playing poker is a bad business decision?
“Q: Are you getting better at poker?
A: This is a game that requires high mathematical skills. Early in my career, I wanted to be a mathematician. I have always wondered, how good could I have been as a poker player? Now I have time to do it. Of course, I am kind of a slow learner at this stage, but I have had some success and that makes me very happy. I have been on TV quite a few times as a poker player.”
I had to bold and italicize that great quote. Counting to ten is about the only math skills you need. “10 beats a 9, sweet ship it.” I’m wondering if he sucks so bad because he’s adding cards in his head, or maybe counting cards blackjack style? I mean he’s really old so he might get confused as to what game he’s playing.
Who gives a fuck?
The only event in the world that is worse than the World Cup is the Olympics, specifically the winter Olympics. Why Rufus? Well it’s this time every four years that the western world decides they’re soccer fans. For 1,400+ days nobody gives a shit about soccer, then when this POS event happens, ooohh yeah “GO BRAZIL”…blow me. I guess when you’re from some poverty stricken country that has nothing going for it you have the need to celebrate something, but when it gets to the point of gloating is where I make immigrants cry. Let’s start dancing in the streets for Nigeria, wave flags and all that shit. Well two years ago your parents and…whoops I mean mother and sister were raped in killed and your one room hut was set on fire. Some Christian church group brought you to North America and now supports you and your three children that are 6, 8, and 14 months old. Yeah cheer for Nigeria, idiots.
But anyways I said it’s only the second worse event to the winter Olympics, the reasons are all the same as above only add that soccer is more of a sport than 90% of Olympic events. FFS people why do you get some sort of pride when someone from your country wins a medal in ski jumping? The dude probably works in a fast food chicken restaurant when he goes home, too bad they don’t have any usable skills. N00bs.
I’m tilted.
So my half brother Phil Laak is in the middle of his endurance 80 hour poker session. I find it mildly amusing that after 80 hours he’ll have played about as many hands as I do in two hours online…but we’ll bash live poker another time. Currently he’s at the 36 hour mark and his chip stack looks…non-existant. I’m assuming he’s in the process of re-buying, something that he’ll probably have to do many times in the next 44 hours.
Link to video http://www.ustream.tv/channel/rounder%27s-radio–ace-jones. The chat about the video is also pure gold, it makes the “Take Maney” guy look like a genius. But these are the same people that rail any game on FTP over 10/20 and beg the players for $100.
Time for Phil to drink some Pro Player and block the images of Tilly’s lovely pillows. Gooo brother Phil, Dad is proud!
This blog should be treated as fiction